Hello, I am an intergalactic traveler and I come in peace. My call sign is Yeeapy Wordsmith, but you may call me Earthling.
As a gesture of friendship and goodwill, the people of Earth would like to offer you three gifts. Firstly, this is a New King James Version of the Holy Bible once owned by one of our most well-loved Christian Evangelist, Mr. Billy Graham. The Bible is believed to be a book of instructions written by God. It includes the story foretold by prophecies and mystical signs about young virgin girl who would give birth to the Son of God. The babe would become the Savior of the world.
Secondly, we would like to offer you three magazines to show you how we live. The “Cosmopolitan” magazine is about our relationships and the hunting prowess of the female species. The “Fit Pregnancy” magazine shows the female’s stamina and strength; able to tolerate 30 Earth hours of excruciating labor pains, and she will return to reproduce again. Finally, the “Sports Illustration: Swimsuit Issue” is popular with Earth’s male species. It was developed to program the male to seek out the female. The rest, as we say, is history.
Finally, our third gift: Our research tells us that our appearance in the universe is relatively short and inexperienced. However, our success at mating is something we would highly recommend! Don’t hesitate to look us up, eh?
2013 December 26th, Earth signing off. Over & out.